More Thoughts on Working

I've never wanted to be a working mom.  Growing up I always knew I wanted kids and that once I had them I wanted to stay home.  I think it has to do with my mom being a stay-at-home mom, that just what moms do.  It was even more clear that I wanted to stay home after I worked in a daycare center when I was in college.  I knew/know what kind of attention the kids in the center were getting and it would never want my kids in a daycare center.  Nothing really against day cares, I know that most of the staff means well but...

Well my dreams of becoming a stay-at-home mom ended when I met Paul and he decided to become a teacher.  His decision to teach was partly my fault, so he says.  I kind of led him in that direction.  (What was I thinking??)  I know it isn't impossible to raise a family on a teacher's salary but it sure isn't easy. 

So here we are now... I'm back and work and someone else gets to watch my kids every day.  I miss their smiley faces in the morning, their giggles, our extended snuggle time, feeding and all the other day to day events.  I want them to need me, to only want to be with mom.  Selfish I know.  I don't want to miss their first steps, or words.  I want to be the one who knows everything about them. 

I'm lucky that their grandparents are watching them for the rest of the year, mostly.  I know that they will get everything they need and more.  I'm also lucky that I don't have to worry about taking them somewhere, everyone watches them at our house. 

But I still don't want to go to work every day.  My fifth graders just aren't as cute and cuddly as my own kids are.