Failure

(Warning... this post contains talk about things that are contained in a diaper.)

Today I feel like a mommy failure.  You see this morning when I was changing Sam's giagantic blowout I was surprised to see red, swollen and painful baby boy parts.  (Sam I'm sorry buddy for sharing this and if you ever read this but it important to the story.)  I knew something wasn't right when he refused to straighten his legs when I picked him up and he wasn't snuggling at all.  I wasn't sure what had happened but I knew it at least required a nurse line phone call.  I let Grandbip know what was going on and did my best to get ahold of Paul to find out when he'd be available to take Sam to the doctor.  I got a call back from the nurse at 10ish and they said it would be best to have the doctor look at it.

Well the poor little guys misery is all our fault.  (I'd like to share some of my guilt.)  I guess we aren't cleaning him correctly and this has caused raw skin because of irrritations.  (Paul said there was blood when he arrived at the doctor.)  I feel horrible about it.  When he was crying tonight when we had to take extra care to clean with water and put on ointment, I felt my heart break.  My baby boy is one tough cookie.  I'm pretty sure he still deals with reflux still everyday because I see him swallow stuff down after he eats.  His sister beats him up and he rarely cries about it.  When the doctor had to dig out an infected splinter out of his finger about a month ago he barely whimpered.  But tonight his little hands were shaking and he was crying alligator tears in pain and it is all my fault.

Sam, I sure hope that you recover quickly and we'll be sure that it never happens again.  Mama's sorry baby.